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Showing posts from 2009

Headache

It's so deep. Throbbing. Like 600 jets flying in circles, full throttle. So loud. So thunderous. Each jet symbolizing my problems. Some flying over more then others. Land somewhere already. Shouldn't you be at bingo fuel by now? What.......the......fuck!!!!! Confusion. Trust. Love. Frustration. We need to talk. We need to be close. I need to see you. I need to feel you. I can't be on the bench anymore. I've watched enough. I've let this shit ride long enough. I shall emerge. I shall win you over or lose you in the process. I've come to grips with it. What the fuck yo? Seriously, what the fuck? How? Why? Howhy? Not a typo, I said howhy? This is the 2nd least making sense blog I wrote which shows this headache is persistent. It's gonna destroy me. It's gonna deafen me. I shall not be silenced, but it will overcome me. From headache, to toothache, to chestache, to slight heart burn with a heavy dose of heart attack. Ailing? A lil bit. Bitter? Not so much. …

Drawing a blank

I've neglected this thing for the past couple days because...well....I just didn't feel like writing. I've been stressed lately and nothing is really helping. Trey's birthday was on Sunday. He turned 4 and still a spoiled brat. Tristan is attached to Daddy.....guess he's Daddy deprived. Then there's the spouse that seems to be just as attached.....if not more. Being loved is the best feeling in the world. I may not feel that way everywhere, but I do at home. When I'm not with them, I find myself constantly looking at a star in the sky, mesmerized by it's brightness. As you try to figure out what I mean by that, stop wasting your time. I look at the sky a lot. Stars are beautiful. Don't judge me.
So as I look at this beautiful star, my mind wanders. While it wanders, I think things that I probably shouldn't think. I want to do things I probably shouldn't do. Yet it still wanders. Searching for the perfect desires. Scanning my memories for mom…

Random.....Just Random (try to understand)

it is what it is which is this or a fist wit a wish to kiss this chick on the top of mii list sexy and sweet a heart wit no beat six toes on both feet dimples on your cheek an outcome so bleak we've reached our peak a kiss on the cheek departing with an outreach washed away wit bleach for i think i just skeet so excited but can't speak
heading down then around avoid the ground there's a sound home ward bound scared of the clown at the foot of my bed creeping to my head eyes open partially red hair starting to shed shoot him now make him dead run away shoes gone astray runnin faster then they meet me halfway where we went yesterday but wait.......just wait.....i feel it........hold on......it's comin......stay low........i hear it i see it i smell it believe it too far to fear it
glock in hand holding real tight the taste of the steel leaked onto my mouth whats it all about what we doin wrong its been so long i feel so strong i can take control i demand the ability i can …

Behind The Shadows

The heart of a true love only beats for youThe soul of a true love only mates with youThe mind and body tends to falter behind youThe mind and body tends to distort what we see as realityThe tendency to be loved and desired only to fall apartWhat is it behind the shadows of the unfaithful heart?Or is it the heart that’s just the scapegoat…taking the fallAs the mind and body together unravel the work of the heartThe mind sends the impulses; the body acts; the heart gets conflictedTime and time again the cycle goes; a tortured soul is bornBurned into it; forever tainted with the blood of adulteryAre sinister forces at work or is it the act of man?Does the devil lurk around giving the necessary push to act out?Engraved in a man’s soul are the previous failures of controlFighting the urge that was bestowed on us at birthThe very testosterone that differs us physically, affects us mentallyNatural aggression; Natural urges; Natural failures of controlWhat will it take? What will we do to co…

Surrounded

I've come across this bridge before. Why am I more inclined to continue this time?I've sat on this rock before. Why am I still sitting here? I walk. You stop. You walk. I stop. This is all to familiar. That faint sound gets louder. Strange? Maybe. Unfamiliar? Not in the least. It's a quick pace. Starting to feel insanely weird. I don't like it. Listening to it frightens me. That drumming sound full of base. Look left. Look right. Look up. Look down. Straight ahead. Turn around. Something is coming behind me. Shadows of the night. That faint to loud sound gets deafening now. I run to get away from the shadows. There's so many of them. Surrounding me all at once. No where for me to go. No way for me to escape. They stand and look at me. No eyes. No body. Just shadows with a dark aura. I wait. I shake. I pray. Then stop. Apparent to me know. I know these shadows. What do they want? I move, they move. I run, they run. Mimicking me down to the last stomp. What do you want from me? What…

You Don't Realize it Until You're Asked

It's been a minute since I wrote anything, but I'mma break that streak right now wit something real. My wife and I have issues like any other couple. The main difference is probably most couples don't have someone that blogs. I'm not going to get into detail about our shit, but just know we're not seeing eye to eye. So as she's talking to me and asking about what I want and things of that nature, I don't really say anything. She then starts getting specific.
Do any of these people love you? Do any of these people want you in there life for the rest of their life? Do any of these people care about you?
So on and so forth. I literally was on the brink of tears and as I'm writing this at work, I'm on that brink again. I know the answer to that. I've always known the answer to that. Yet I keep letting 3rd parties control me. I keep letting people that don't give two shits about me delegate how I live my life. Why? Why do I care so much about people …

The Way Things Work

I never understood the way some things worked. Well, to a certain extent. Like trying to get your first job: Hard to find cuz no one wants to hire you without experience, yet you can't get experience until someone hires you. Same thing with credit. The fact you get punished for things once is fine, but to get punished for the same thing is just fucked up.
My situation is very simple. As a 19 yr old in the Air Force, I spent A LOT of money. I was young and wasn't used to that type of paycheck. When i got married, I was making twice as much. I mean seeing over a grand in a paycheck was amazing to me. So I was splurging. Not understanding my credit, I was using that up to. Then started utilizing payday loans, which I don't even remember how or why i got into that. When the calls to my job started, that's when the red flags flew up and when the probing began. My supervisor said he could help.....tried to help....ended up actually making things worse. I mean my credit was an…

Never Saw It Comin

I don't have much of a dating history. Nowhere near as lengthy as my sexual history, just to put it out there. I want to take the time to go down memory lane for a second to get to my point.
March 2002. Fayetteville, NC. I was a junior in high school. My dad was stationed at Ft. Bragg along with my uncle and favorite cousin, Carlanda. Through her is how I met Jessica Marie Clayton. We met at a skating ring that I got talked in to going to just to meet her. We barely talked to each other for reasons unknown, but we had our first moment by skating together to the song Satisfy You by P. Diddy and R. Kelly. Fantastic. From that point on, I basically tried to court her since she was dating someone at the time. If I remember correctly, it took about 3 days to actually succeed. From that point on, my life kinda surrounded that relationship. I brought her along on family bowling nights, talked to her everyday as often as possible. Tried to see her as often as possible. I mean we were in lo…

LIST

Love is simply tantalizing. I feel it manifesting in me like an alien ready to burst out my chest. I can hear you....you're so far from me. I can see you....you're so sexy. I can feel you.....you're so soft, baby. I can taste you....wow you taste so sweet. This love is so tantalizing. Juicy. Rich. This forbidden fruit has me engulfed in its organic orgasm spinning down through my blood vessels. Just a bite. Just a taste. Just a way for me to embrace the foundation of the lust I have for you and transform it into a love so rewarding. Appreciation. Satisfaction. Damn I'm loving your reaction. No action can compare to the miles of land and air separating our natural attraction. It's not fair. It's not fair. Distance may separate but nothing can keep me from you. We've come a long way. Let me rub your feet. So tired from the journey. I'm here now. You and me. Together at last. Perfection has caught up with our wandering. Our hearts are together at last. The…

Tomorrow's Darkness

Tomorrow brings uncertainty. Today passes with clarity attached like a document to an email. Tomorrow brings hope. Today brought closure on another day in your life that is getting more complete. Tomorrow will soon be today, today will be yesterday and yesterday would be forgotten. They say to always live your life like today would be your last but you and I both know the way you go about your day will plague you with regrets if your time came. I like to live like there's always a tomorrow. Tomorrow gets me closer to you. Tomorrow gets me closer to fulfillment. To make plans in another month is expecting to be able to fulfill those plans at that time. If I didn't expect that, I'd make them today. I wouldn't work. I wouldn't sleep. I wouldn't continue to be a law abiding citizen. Self gratification is the key to happiness when tomorrow brings more darkness. The world can end at any moment. It won't be by God's hand as you may think but by the hands of me…

Full of Randomness

I've been here in New Mexico for two days now. Don't really know what to make of this state. Lot of mountains and emptiness. I can see the military basically owns most of the square footage down here for missile tests and whatnot. The mountains make me think of The Hill Have Eyes. Eerie shit. So what am I doing in New Mexico you ask? Well my job. What do I do? Pfft...please. But if you must know, I do my part to contribute to our efforts overseas. I haven't been blogging long enough to really make any grand leaps or bounds about my desires or to really immerse myself in full comfortability to a public that I don't know about.
On this day, I have 2 followers which will grow as time passes and the masses learn about this fella behind a laptop (which is a netbook at this current moment). The more I write, the more I feel like Hank Moody of Californication played by David Duchovny in which he massively expressed his disdain for bloggers yet utilized it to really get his th…

The Fatigued Mother

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A lot can be said about single mothers. Some of those things said about them can also be said about attached mothers. Either way, they all have several things in common when it comes to private time. A friend of mine that became a mother for the second time kinda re-opened my eyes on the lack of "her time". Another friend of mine brought to light the many issues she faces as a single mother. Then there's my own wife that I see on a daily basis (when I'm in town) go through her days like she's a single mother. It's something I fail to understand...why don't we, being the male species, really try to be more caring about a woman's needs to get away from the stress or recharge their batteries after hours and hours of nurturing? What makes it so hard for us to get out of the selfish stage and be a father, grandfather, brother, or whatever you are to the little tyke?
Every mother I know that is going through the early childhood years are more stressed then a…

The First

So after months of having this thing, I'm finally putting the effort to make at least one post. I've bounced ideas back and forth with no real idea of what to put here. As a writer, I tend to brainstorm more then write. I guess that's why it takes me so long to really finish something. Where do my real talents lie? Is it expressing myself through distant and private avenues? Do I enjoy being behind the shadows more then bumping shoulders with anyone related to "attention"? I guess I should at least start with introductions. I am Brent Campbell. If you're here, you must know me or be bored. I live a very consistent life. It's consistently boring. As goofy and silly as I am, I don't show it nearly enough to garnish anything close to a real life. Shit happens B. I spend most of my days at work anyway. Gotta kill dem terrorists so my kids and your kids can be safe. Rather you believe the whole war on terror is irrelevant at this current juncture. Don'…