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03 February 2010

2010

It's the second week of the second month in the first year of the second decade of the 1st century in the 3rd millenium. Yes, I did say all of that. It's my first blog of the year and I'm at a loss. Not real sure what I should talk about today. Thursday is the deadline for the Appeal Board to decide if I'm goin to have a job. How does that work? Well, I'll either be getting my clearance back or not. So I'm definitely more irritable then usual. But that's not why I'm blogging today.

For those that really know me, I tend to question things til I get a real answer. If its somethin I actually care about, I will be determined to get an answer. That determination is both a good thing and bad thing. For instance, this whole ordeal wit my clearance is driving me insane cuz I have no idea what's goin to happen. I bugged the paralegal to get answers that she didn't have. That's not a bad thing. I kno someone that used to ask crazy questions to a woman he was interested in cuz he had no idea what they were or what they were aiming to be. That's when it can be bad.

So how does one change his/her personality to keep such things in check? An answer I wish I had. For years I tried to mold my personality into something unique, but I'm pretty much stuck in my ways...which I don't mind for the most part. But then there's times when I do things that even annoy me yet I just have to know. Why does it have to be that way? Why is it so hard to control something so primative?

I decided late last year that 2010 was goin to be a year I release crutches from my life. A year I change who I associate wit and I did a damn good job at first. Yet, here I stand repeating mistakes. I fall for a lot of shit and can't say no as often as I'd like. It's a fucked up situation but all I need is the balls to be an asshole. Then again, that's a personality change I wouldn't be happy wit. It's not me. It's not how I want to be thought of. So I'm stuck wit being a doormat.