The Mind of B

I want to speak my mind and heart. I turned 33 10-days ago and the only thing that I felt was emptiness. I've been struggling all my life on what I want to do in my life and the more I think about it, the more lost I become. Being alone in the southwest doesn't help things as I feel like I miss everything. Everything started so well on May 4th and then went to shit. I haven't been stressed like this in a long ass time and I truly felt myself breaking down. Every day I ask myself the same handful of questions, unable to get any answers. Combine that with how things are in the rest of the country, I've truly lost desire to remain in this world as a human being. No joke, I really have a hate for humans, it's weird. Obviously not all, but enough to make me detest this world. I'm not going to go through every single thing that is going on for anyone to really understand what I mean, but it's truly frustrating how the human nature can be. That as

CHAPTER 1 AFTER SILK’S DEATH I watched the ambulance leave as the crime scene was being quarantined. I zoned out during the initial process of cops arriving, taking pictures and doing the whole “cop thing”. I didn’t really snap back until I saw EMTs placing Silk’s lifeless body in a body bag. Investigators and Detectives approached me, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. Scratch that, it wasn’t that I wasn’t in the mood; I literally couldn’t formulate a proper sentence. I was in shock. They quickly realized that I was in no condition to answer questions, so they left me with contact info for me to utilize when I finally could speak. I finally managed to get into my car and leave her place. I didn’t know where I was going to go at first as I started driving. There was no way I could go home right now. I didn’t expect to feel so distraught; never realizing my own admiration for her. Why didn’t I realize it before? No sense in dwelling on it now. For now, I need to clear my head.