The Mind of B

0200; Sunday on the east, Saturday on the west… 3, 4, 5 drinks in; actually behind my norms but jump startin my bets… I’m good though, I’m on point; Able to dot my Es and cross my Ss… I see you at my door; hotel room but you’re knocking, wearing a burgundy dress… The first thing I want to do is kiss you; I want to taste your entire essence… I hear about your night, your day and weekend plans; shit don’t think about sex… We’re here, we’re feeling it; no more dreams, it’s time for real shit… But the things that I’m signing for aren’t even on my billing list… Or is it a subscription, I can’t keep track of all these issues… I just know a nanosecond doesn’t pass by without me completely missing you…     No, I completely hear you, even understand the distance and hear your complaints… But you’re not hearing me, for every second I miss you, a spasm digs into my taint… Lil wrong, sex is 4 th on my mind; nothing said can clearly give you a pic to paint… I c...

Starts really simple before it reaches a peak… Ignoring your story from the moment you start to speak… Thinking about nothing but the bouncing of your cheeks… Angered and flustered by the words passing your beak… Calling you a bird, maybe I did that in the lowest of key… Which brings us to me, flawed in my tact to approach a deity… Staring at the wall, looking for the answers that should be in front of me… Left with an impression that the answers were hidden underneath… The wall, a euphemism for the depth my skin is enveloping…   I start with me, so reckless in my spectacles of affection shows…. So limitless in actions designed to sweep you off your toes… Drowning in moments that dazzle you; whip you into euphoria… Deeply penetrating your soul, impregnating it with my aura… Leaving you with bits and pieces of me that you’ll never get rid of… Not the type you have to nurture, but the culmination of intricacies that is our love… Even being nonchalant, ...

Defined as feeling casually calm or relaxed, or appearing as so… Not displaying anxiety, interest, or enthusiasm; been that way for decades… Good with you or without you; truth, but not something I want you to know… Stretch the truth; provide some proof of being the best choice you ever made… Express my interest, develop the love you can’t resist; Begin to believe I need you… But the need is a strong want; either way it goes the love and hurt will fade… That’s the intention, whole point of being nonchalant is hiding what’s actually true… I see how this sounds and I’m aware of the fact that this is a double-edged blade… Yet I remain nonchalant, protecting myself from further shame…   I love you, there’s no reservation or ability for you to be replaced… The place I have in my heart for you is more than just reserved space… The reason for the space goes beyond the attraction to your face… Or the attraction to your body that my hands manage to embrace… Your ...

No deep thoughts arriving, so I write this completely free hand... Avoiding the pitfalls of thinking with my head below my waist band... The idea of being free, relaxes me like my feet massaging the sand... Trapped in my own mind, thinking of the negative shit that occurred in my life span... Ignoring the glimmers of happiness, shunning the lights of love... Why do I feel the need to choose A, B or C instead of all the above... I felt it long ago, yet was too scared to touch it, deciding to wear a glove... "With this I protect myself", that's the thought I embraced as my heart was being tugged... You're lying to yourself, the feeling that you suppressed was only meant to be held steady for a moment or two... Now you're on 9 or 10, there's no way this suppression can remain inside of you... You have to let it out, absorb the very things you decided to suppress, even if it's more than you can chew... Anything leftover will still rest in...

I am my biggest enemy… More than any other entity… No matter what I see, where I be, there’s just no pleasing me… Happy for a moment when I share my company yet still feel lonely… Too busy blaming myself, drowning in my own self-loathing… I’m either lashing out at others or playing the game of “Avoiding”… Avoiding the questions; avoiding giving answers; avoiding recognizing that I’m avoiding… Taking up residence in that dark place; located up the hill from the sunken place… That’s probably the only bright spot that can cause a smile to creep on my face… But wait… why am I here anyway? What brought me this low and kept me against my will? Eyes water to the point that they fill and the water spill… As the water falls, the break begins and I let it win… Down I crumble, words come as a mumble and the anxiety sets in… Then I stop… Continue to break…Stop……. Then I grin… All of this to reset and start again… The smile returns with anxiousness to share, optimism...