Stories and Poems

Nonchalant

Defined as feeling casually calm or relaxed, or appearing as so…

Not displaying anxiety, interest, or enthusiasm; been that way for decades…

Good with you or without you; truth, but not something I want you to know…

Stretch the truth; provide some proof of being the best choice you ever made…

Express my interest, develop the love you can’t resist; Begin to believe I need you…

But the need is a strong want; either way it goes the love and hurt will fade…

That’s the intention, whole point of being nonchalant is hiding what’s actually true…

I see how this sounds and I’m aware of the fact that this is a double-edged blade…

Yet I remain nonchalant, protecting myself from further shame…

 

I love you, there’s no reservation or ability for you to be replaced…

The place I have in my heart for you is more than just reserved space…

The reason for the space goes beyond the attraction to your face…

Or the attraction to your body that my hands manage to embrace…

Your voice is an enchantment, begging me to bend the knee…

Not necessarily for marriage, mostly declaration that you’re my Queen…

Fear and complacency are my biggest enemies, birthing the anger inside of me…

Lashing out when mad with pokes along the way, away from where I want to be…

Leaving me in disarray, leaving feeling pain and a level of shame I felt I couldn’t reach…

 

What do you mean that’s how I feel? What?

Where did I say that? What?

Why did you ignore the other parts? What?

When were we going to talk about the rest? What?

Who even said that? That’s not what I meant… What?

How you draw that conclusion? It doesn’t even compute… What?

A breakdown in communication; the conversation turns to frustration…

All because of a misunderstanding, 6 questions lobbed between us as frustration turns to anger…

 

Yet, I’m still nonchalantly looking at the way things are…

Nonchalantly wishing that things never went so wrong…

Nonchalantly listening to how I took things too far…

Finger fucking my phone, mostly on Twitter for way too long…

Jumping at each notification, wishing it was you reemerging as my star…

The silence becomes deafening, but without the oxy I’m nothing but a moron…

Striving to stay strong as I nonchalantly prepare for everything to change…

Nonchalantly I cry; nonchalantly I try to forget; nonchalantly I conclude that maybe I underestimated how much I needed you…    

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