Untitled Poem
I am my biggest enemy…
More than any other
entity…
No matter what I see,
where I be, there’s just no pleasing me…
Happy for a moment when
I share my company yet still feel lonely…
Too busy blaming
myself, drowning in my own self-loathing…
I’m either lashing out at
others or playing the game of “Avoiding”…
Avoiding the questions;
avoiding giving answers; avoiding recognizing that I’m avoiding…
Taking up residence in
that dark place; located up the hill from the sunken place…
That’s probably the
only bright spot that can cause a smile to creep on my face…
But wait… why am I here
anyway?
What brought me this
low and kept me against my will?
Eyes water to the point
that they fill and the water spill…
As the water falls, the
break begins and I let it win…
Down I crumble, words
come as a mumble and the anxiety sets in…
Then I stop… Continue
to break…Stop……. Then I grin…
All of this to reset
and start again…
The smile returns with
anxiousness to share, optimism flows like steam in the air and I set out to
look beyond the despair…
I make my return with
minimal flare, recovering from a suicidal scare but that’s neither here nor
there…
Speaking again, to
family and friends but unwilling to share…
My mentality changes;
stubborn and unwavering, no longer breaking but concaving…
Wanna be great but
unmotivated; wanna inspire but unaspiring;
Wanna drive down this
path I see but too undriven to even get in the seat…
Check my account, need
more bread; too damn passive to get out of bed…
Don’t wanna sleep,
don’t wanna get up; is all of this in my genetic makeup?
Is it depression and
anxiety that’s filling up my mind and restraining my body?
Nah, that’s me with the
mental suppression… me lacking ambition and greatness progression…
That’s me held hostage
by my personality while filled with anger and aggression…
Now I know, so what
comes next? All of this, I completely accept…
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