The Mind of B

How did this happen? I constantly ask myself this question the longer I float towards the surface. My hands were covered in blood but I can no longer tell if it’s mine or not. I’m sorry, Genevieve… I did all that I could. I can only hope you’re still alive somewhere. What I would give to see her smile again… To feel her lips and hold her body against mine with no desire to ever let her go. Wait… What am I doing? I swore I would protect her… I swore I would fight for her… I can’t die now; not like this. I must avoid getting to the surface. I look up as everything got brighter; confirming my close proximity to the surface. I attempted to move my fin; why is it so hard to move? I kept trying but realized I didn’t have the strength to do it. Shit… I guess this really is the end…. “ARI!!!!” Did I hear my name being called? “ARI!!!” There it is again. I open my eyes and look around. To my southwe...

Rattled with rage. Even though I'm free, I still feel like I'm stuck in a cage... No idea what it'll take to break these shackles and chains... No idea what I'm even tied to, it's strange... Look left, look right; nothing but my shadow and blood splatter from the moments I go deranged... Who am I, really? Why am I here? Who's the culprit that closed me off and left me in fear? Lost track of time, can no longer see the skies so no telling if help is near... On my own to draw alone, using my blood as paint... Stuck in an argument with myself, uh uh, no I ain't!!! Yes I will, no I won't! This is stupid, watch what you're doing as you continue to bleed all over the floor! The argument continues as my better half starts to completely lose it...until the light comes through the door... It's either my execution or my salvation but I'm too numb to feel danger... I look at him as he picks me up and holds me, telling me that he's here f...

DETERMINATION So your actions and words aren’t matchin, what’s the truth, I can only imagine… It’s a gamble either way which is probably the reason I stay… Lookin for the safe bet sounds like a way to get my eyes wet… My eyes are set on getting something wet but I’m not gon let me be the source Yet all I feel is remorse for allowing myself to become this attached to a woman with communication skills heavily lacked….. What is she thinkin? What is she wanting? Fuck all common sense, this anticipation is daunting… Daunting makes it intriguing; intrigue weakens my knees, preventing me to leave I’m determined to get you but don’t ask why, for my reason is non-existing… Ok, that’s a lie, I just prefer you don’t ask why, for my reason gives question to if I’m high… Shit I might be… For I’m determined to not leave until you can’t sleep without thinking about me… Fuck that, that’s not enough… You can’t have a thought without me creeping in and causing your daydreams… ...

I DON’T KNOW I don’t know what to do when my days and nights are filled with thoughts of you Yet when I reach out it’s like playing the lottery with uncertainty you’ll respond at all I don’t know what to do when my days and nights are filled with desires to see you Yet when I have the chance, I relinquish all pride as a man cuz I’m blowing up your phone due to your lack of answerin I don’t know what to say when I can feel my mind break with complete uncertainty of what you really think One minute you’re feelin me; the next you’re ignorin me; this cycle is indescribable, no wonder my heart and mind breaks What is there to really say when your words and actions are so far astray that it’s safe to say they don’t share the same mental space Are you lyin? Is it all on purpose? Is there something you get outta playin wit my emotions? I don’t get it…. I don’t know what to do when it comes to you… That’s a lie, cuz I actually do… I know what I should do but it’s so hard ...

I can feel my own demise, caused by self-pity and maybe a little rage The confidence I feel seems a little degraded for someone my age Expectations take a hit, losing a grip on the little bit of fucks that I still give Set in my ways; instead of turning the page, I burn the book and write a new Straighten out and breaking out, let this be the way that I start off in a different place With you or not, with me or not; I refuse all that brings bs to my face Simmered down my contempt; boiled up my content; you can’t deter me from my pace, you can’t break me from my ways; ain’t no changing what I am, for I am a man comfortable with the place that I’m in and the goals that I chase So when it comes to my demise, it’s controlled by me and something that’ll I end a little every day The question will be whether you’ll be with me when I reach my destination or stuck wondering what could have taken place So I wait…..  

Time is low… I have to keep this short and sweet You want to go… Claiming I’m not what I used to be I can’t allow it though… You’re solely responsible for the better me My worse; it was my worse side that refuses to sleep Yet I couldn’t help the fact I craved that love and affection When you weren’t giving it to me, I looked in other directions Granted, it’s not a good excuse for my indiscretions But be reasonable, you’re not cleaner; You’re plagued with imperfections Yet I brush it aside for it’s you that I want, whether you believe or nah Nah, don’t say nah.. Don’t say something that’ll barricade our life Unrepairable; just tension between us, thick enough to be cut by a knife The same knife you’re trying to use to cut me out your life I don’t want the sleepless nights; No energy for another fight I want to earn your attention since I put you in this position Short and sweet… I just need you to nod to acknowledge that you’ll listen…

I can feel it on my skin… The touch of a dominatrix There’s no pain from the whip… Can’t get enough of this sensation I’m enjoying your lips…. Fueling my imagination Yet I want to make it reality, no more of the temptation I’m ready for that body, I’m at the height of inflammation Come baby, enlighten me, show me how you puts it down I got that sleeping pill, just relax and let me knock you out On the bed; on the wall; I’ll hold you up and make you cum all around From the wall; to the bed; Rollin, rollin, rollin til we end up on the ground Say my name; scream it loud; Our lips together is the only way you don’t make a sound Red Bull or Gatorade; Either one is needed for another round Once is never enough when we take a trip to Pleasure Town And stay a night at the Splash Inn; Too impatient to dive in I say this with anticipation of you being on the same page I say this with anticipation of experiencing your seductive ways I feel your love festering up and...

Supply and demand... That's the current issue at hand, maybe the root of it all When the supply exceeds the demand, should all be recalled? Can it really be taken back when declarations were already made? Was it all just a phase? A fad like bell bottoms from back in the day... Sitting here missing you and the smile that you used to portray Whether real or fake, it didn't change the possibility that you were happy this way... Complications in our day to day, thinking that being official was really the only way Only way to be happy, considering the complexities of everything else that we hated to say Mentions of our home life, dealing with the unhappiness yet be at peace when we saw each other's face Knowing nothing but the pain, the mistakes of our hearts to easily be led astray Yet I thought you were special, thought everything was great and smiled at the possibility that this really could be fate I hate my inability to capitalize on the opportunities...

The heart’s flame… How it burns so strong yet fragile to the winds of change.. The wrong change can cause my heart’s flame to burn out… Yet the tornado winds you’ve set upon me has only spread this fire… Hot all over, burning with strong desire to express this fire.. Seems the heat is starting to get to me as I become my worst enemy… Hard to see things clearly, hallucination is starting to set in…. I need to get this fire under control before it burns away who I am… More importantly, this fire will cause you to evacuate… Taking my time, I look for ways to get it under control… All I can think about is how badly the damage really is…   Resisting the urge to extinguish my flame, you hold on to me… Aware of the risks, you give me a kiss that settles the burn… My heart’s flame settles to controllable levels… You look at me with kindness and reassurance… Lightly touching my hands to show that you won’t leave my side… Only thing wrong was the fact you were causing my flame...

FATE Sunset….Moonrise… Dawn and dusk…. It’s all alike. The whispers of the wind taken in by the fog of the river… Midnight to daylight, daylight to somber night… Hand in hand they go, on a double date with the cold and the snow… Body shivers… lips quiver as the body kicks up survival efforts… All of this speaks in beauty and elegance as the heart weeps… Knees to elbows, indentations of a thinking man except for the tears in hand.. Tears in hand show the sorrow of tomorrow encouraged by the missing of the misses An endless list of desires headlined by the kiss of the one admired by the soul… So here I hold. Here I fold. The fetal position is my friend. I fear nothing but the end The end of the light that you shine from a smile or the warmth your body brings.. The sparkle in your eyes that dulls the brightest diamond ring… It’s in this moment I fear loneliness more than eternal rest… But I digress……The silence ruined by the strength of my beating chest.. ...